Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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