Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
