drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
