I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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