You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
