Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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