fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
