and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Couch. On fire.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
