omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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