I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
