She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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