I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
