I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize