Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
