Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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