As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
