If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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