he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
