That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
