two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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