did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
