everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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