The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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