If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize