there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
third nipple confirmed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
