Only a mothe r could love this liver
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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