yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
