We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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