he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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