Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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