On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
