The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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