I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
