is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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