Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
