ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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