I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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