So gin and wine won't be happening again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
