I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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