It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
