drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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