No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
