i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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