i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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