Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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