Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
