No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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