No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
