yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
