Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
