I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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