Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
