Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
