I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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