I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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