in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
