Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
