He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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