i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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