Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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