Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
