Someone shit on the floor
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
