I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
