Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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