This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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