I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
