I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize