He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
