...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
