Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize