I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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