paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
