It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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