I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
