Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
