In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
