i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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