i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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